Why is it that the only way to check for bedbugs is to offer myself up as bedbug bait every night? I mean, sure, if I had a full-blown infestation (ack!), I'd be able to see little marks of their passing, but as yet I've witnessed no signs of bedbugs. And still I'm being nibbled to death. By something.

See, this is when a little instant message from the all-knowing, ever-present God would really come in handy. I'm totally okay with being left to my own devices in choosing jobs and cars and where to eat dinner, but a little nudge in the pest-control department wouldn't go amiss. He's done the locust thing, right? So this should be pie-easy.

Gross. Gross. I am *not* a buffet, dammit!

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