23 June 2014 @ 04:34 pm
on strugglebustin' (as my sister says)
I'm experiencing one of those times in my life when not-so-great stuff keeps piling up on me. Normally, when I have a not-so-great thing or two on my mind, I can think my way 'round it and focus on the good things, but these just keep shuffling around each other, leaving no room for any good things. So I'm just going to list them and see if laying them out here gives me a better handle on what I'm dealing with. ::deep breath::

1. My new workplace is hostile and uncomfortable. No one there wants to do the children's librarian work, but they don't seem to want me to do it either. I feel bullied and overwhelmed and I can't find anyplace to be alone. So. I'm going to keep doing good work. And I'll take part of my lunch hour every day to walk the neighborhood or, if nothing else, huddle in my car. And I will keep telling myself that I have nine years of experience in bookstores and libraries and, even if my coworkers don't respect me, I have reason to respect myself.

2. My brother cancelled on our trip to Arizona this summer. Which means I'm left to rethink our activities---that is, which ones can I still do alone?---come up with new activities, and figure out how to get a rental car. This is a lot of research to do in just over a month, and while I know that's more time than I think it is, I can't help feeling I need to get it all done Right Now. So. I'm going to take a look at an Arizona travel guide, see if I can find any websites on exploring Arizona solo, and solicit friends' and family's thoughts on the rental car situation. And I will take deep breaths and remind myself that I have time to sort it all out. And that even if I don't, I'm going to visit my cousin and my friend, and neither of those things requires an itinerary. (Just a rental car.)

3. My internet bill went up by two-thirds its former cost. I don't want to pay that. I really, really, really don't want to pay that. Which means I need to find a new provider. But that stuff is a maze of deals and offers and internet speeds that I don't understand. So. I need to realize that as affronted as I am at the notion of paying such an increased price, switching providers will have to wait a couple months. Which is more than enough time for me to determine whether such a switch will be wise in the long run. Which is, frankly, better for my pocketbook, if not immediately satisfying to my moral outrage.

Sorted. More or less. Not that I won't still struggle to keep these things in perspective, but at least now I feel I have a sense of how to shove them back in their rightful places. And I'm free to enjoy the rest of day.
Prepare a Face: stressed
Love Song: The Moody Blues - Talking Out of Turn