I've had a friend for about a decade who recently got married, and while I am thrilled for her and her new life and adventures, I am significantly less enthralled by her new role as a Smug Married. I have a lot of people in my life in very happy relationships and a couple, like me, who are single. All of them talk about things that make them happy and things they struggle with, and in that variety is plenty of room for genuine connection and understanding.

But the Smug Married cannot talk about anything that makes her unhappy. If she does, two sentences later, she takes it back. Because All Is Wonderful Now That She Is Married. And if we discuss something about her relationship and I offer a different perspective than her own on some aspect of married life or parenthood or, honestly, anything, she is quick to assure me that while she can see how Other People would feel that way, she, amidst her flawless life as a Smug Married, Isn't Like Them.

Our friendship has long been filled with interesting conversations where we differ in our perspectives and explore the ways those perspectives clarify and sharpen our understanding of the world and deepen the connection we feel with one another. It doesn't always feel good to disagree with each other, but it feels honest. And we've always shared an appreciation for that honesty.

I don't even know what to talk about with her now. If all she needs from me is to tell her how Amazing her life is, why am I there? Does she need my approval to be uncomplicated and worshipful now when she didn't before? Perhaps she's attempting to demand my respect, my acknowledgement that this is an aspect of life where she has surpassed me, where she has expertise I do not. And that is so. I am not married. I will not ever be pregnant. But if I'm not allowed to talk about those things from my own knowledge of them, if I am only allowed to nod and smile, I really don't need to be there. Hang a magic mirror on your wall if all you want is uncomplicated encomia!

This is made worse by the fact that she shows almost no interest in my life. She asks no questions, and even when I open up about something, she ignores it or dismisses its importance because "it's not my cuppa." If she doesn't want to engage with anything I think or like or struggle with, and limits her discussion of herself to how perfect her life is, what's left to hang a meaningful friendship on? There're only so many ways and so many times I can play magic mirror before I'm going to quit for a better gig.