I went to the local library today, intending to---yes!---get myself a library card. Finally. Been here a month, right, and no library card yet. It's a wonder I'm not a raving lunatic by now. So after filling out the little application card, the librarian informs me I'm missing some crucial info: an alternate contact/reference from the D/FW area. What?, I say. I mean, I've just moved here from out of state. I don't know *anyone*, let alone someone who might vouch for me. The librarian then says that, without this contact person, I can't get a card---Don't I have an employer or a neighbor I might list?

Uh. No. I've applied to work at your bloody library, I'm thinking, but since I don't have a card here, you're not bloody likely to hire me, hmm? As for neighbors? Uh. Yeah. 'Cuz two neighborly women dropping off loaves of bread counts as a reference. Right.

It just pisses me off, you know? I'm an *excellent* customer---I take beautiful care of the items I check out, I'm always on time returning things, I always pay any fees I'm saddled with. I'm bloody perfect, dammit! And, oh, the irony---before I left Chicago, the librarians there said that if the new library ever needed a *reference*, they'd happily provide one.

Dammit. Dammit, dammit, *dammit*! Who on earth creates such absurd, farcical, pedantic policies?! Don't they know it's bad form to punish the many good customers for the faults of the few bad ones?

I WANT MY THRICE-CURSED LIBRARY CARD, BLAST YOU!

Bastards.

.........................