13 November 2005 @ 10:52 pm
"i think so, brain...."
Tonight I have been pondering the nature of charm.

I've only met perhaps a handful of truly charming people in the course of my life, but they have---without fail---fascinated me. Is it something within them, natural as freckles, that makes them so charming? Have they taught themselves the trick? And what *is* it that makes them so distinctly different from others who are just as kind, just as outgoing, just as easy with their words?

Because they are different. With them, it's not mere flirtation or a quick line or an interested gaze, it's all together and something else, something I can't define, that convinces *everyone* with whom they speak that every word said is heard, understood, and cherished. I love to watch others encounter the Charmers, as a matter of fact: they fall like souffles. And I am absolutely not an exception.

I'm not an exception, that is, until I see the Charmer treat another exactly the same way they treat me. Then I get bewildered, and not a little bothered. After all, when *I* speak to people that way, they're dear to me. Even allowing for differences in perception and personal interaction, I can't help but react to such...interest? intensity?...as though it means something personal.

So then the questions start: is it personal? Do the Charmers just treat everyone the same, knowing it affects them that way? Unknowing? Or do they genuinely feel invested in each and every person with whom they speak? And if they do, *how* do they do it? Such attachment to so many people would land me exhausted in the hospital within minutes. And does this mean I feel deeper for people? That they feel shallower? Or is it simply a willingness to give of oneself? And if *that* is so, why is it only a very small group of people can pull it off, when quite a lot of people I know are very generous indeed with themselves?

How can you trust a Charmer? Is it even wise to do so?

Oh, the endless questions of the ages....

Right.

.........................
 
 
Love Song: Sixpence None the Richer - Sister, Mother
Prepare a Face: thoughtful
 
 
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[identity profile] mneme-metis.livejournal.com on November 18th, 2005 03:17 am (UTC)
Oooo, I love pondering! I haven’t had enough really good ponders or discussions lately. Charm is a very interesting and fascinating thing. I can’t remember the last time I talked to a truly charming person, but as you pointed out, they aren’t as common as some might think. I guess I’ve personally always thought of charm as something intrinsic. I suppose I do believe that a person can teach themselves to be “charming” to a certain degree, but I think you can sense the difference between a naturally charming person and a self-taught charmer.

What makes them so different, indeed! It really is something else and does seem a weird blend of self-confidence and putting other people at ease. It’s not necessarily that they are open but that they make the people around them more open. It’s almost like you feel at your best without quite consciously realizing it when you’re with a charming person and so you’re attracted to them. So I guess I don’t think charmers are invested in everyone they speak to, they just give that impression to the people they speak to. Though that doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t invested in any of the people they talk with.

Ack. I guess with that issue, as with the rest of the questions, those things can only be answered once you go deeper than the charm and see the real person. I think some charmers don’t realize the affect that they have on people, and others know very well what they are doing and use it to their advantage.

Okay, enough rambling from me. Must get back to studying… :(
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