Even though it's not January 1st, I've decided to make a new resolution: I do not have to be nice to people. Who cares if they've knocked $80 off my tire bill? I do *not* have to agree to go to dinner with them. Not tentatively, not even vaguely. Not at all. And just because someone exhibits appreciation for my intelligence whilst talking with me at work, that does *not* mean I have to feel guilty for telling them no, I don't, in fact, want to go out with them.

I don't have to be nice to these people. I don't have to pander to their egos. Politeness does not equal niceness. Graciousness does not equal niceness. I can be polite and gracious and still assert my disinclination for their company. From now on, I'm in training to be a duchess. Or a marchioness. Or a countess, maybe. I will be the essence of class and consideration, but I will not allow myself to be charmed or guilted into agreeing to something I flatly don't want to do.

To this end, I will try to trust my instincts, my innate caution with men I don't know. I may be more cautious than most women, and I may envy their bravery and daring, but those women aren't me, and it's about time I stopped trying to be them. It only ever gets me in situations where I'm forced to backtrack and apologize and renege---behaviors even less me---in order to find ground on which I'm comfortable standing. I will also practice the words I can say when such situations arise. Instead of blurting out an awkward excuse, I will teach myself to say a polite thank you and a firm no.

I will understand that these things will be uncomfortable and awkward at first, but that they will allow me to be truer to myself than the alternative. And that is the most important thing.

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