I'm in the middle of listening to an episode of Hidden Brain about the difficulty and power of saying no, and while it's fascinating, I find I'm mostly listening to it so I can better understand what others experience when they struggle to say no. I spend a lot of time these days fighting to say yes to things because I am, inherently, someone who says no a lot. I am really, really good at it.

And by that I mean I have legitimate no-saying talent and skill. So much so that my coworker used to joke that I was the enforcer on our team: if anyone needed to be told not to do something or that something wouldn't work or that we simply would not be participating, I was the one to handle it and only rarely experienced any pushback. I also coached her and many others in my life on how, exactly, to tell others no.

It's been many years since I've held that role, so it's a little tricky to recall the exact details of any of those nay-sayings, but one of the points that the psychologist in this Hidden Brain episode makes is that people try to soften their no with a compromise—"I really can't but if you need me to, I will," for instance—and I think one of the things I coached people through was how to say no firmly but with respect.

Much of the time, they were dealing with people they liked and wanted to please—customers, of course, but also friends or parents or siblings—and when dealing with people they liked, they didn't want to seem inconsiderate or cruel. And so we would work through how to turn someone down while ensuring the words and the tone were thoughtful and measured and earnest. "See?" those nos would convey, "I'm not saying no because I don't care for or respect you. I'm saying no because I've really thought about this and no is the correct answer. I'm saying no because I need to."

I have no doubt our practice runs helped, but I also really think that shifting the tone toward careful consideration helped the no feel like something that honored the relationship instead of something that had the power to destroy it. And with that in play, it was easier to be firm and confident in the no instead of equivocal or nervous or defensive.

I don't miss being the enforcer, though it absolutely vibes with my shieldmaiden energy, and saying yes to more things these days feels right as I try to battle through my fear and anxiety and embrace my embarrassing awkwardness in, like, everything. But I did really enjoy helping people figure out how to articulate their boundaries and view their nos as important sign posts for what they wanted and needed from the people in their lives. I hope I'll get to do that again.

I've had a friend for about a decade who recently got married, and while I am thrilled for her and her new life and adventures, I am significantly less enthralled by her new role as a Smug Married. I have a lot of people in my life in very happy relationships and a couple, like me, who are single. All of them talk about things that make them happy and things they struggle with, and in that variety is plenty of room for genuine connection and understanding.

But the Smug Married cannot talk about anything that makes her unhappy. If she does, two sentences later, she takes it back. Because All Is Wonderful Now That She Is Married. And if we discuss something about her relationship and I offer a different perspective than her own on some aspect of married life or parenthood or, honestly, anything, she is quick to assure me that while she can see how Other People would feel that way, she, amidst her flawless life as a Smug Married, Isn't Like Them.

Our friendship has long been filled with interesting conversations where we differ in our perspectives and explore the ways those perspectives clarify and sharpen our understanding of the world and deepen the connection we feel with one another. It doesn't always feel good to disagree with each other, but it feels honest. And we've always shared an appreciation for that honesty.

I don't even know what to talk about with her now. If all she needs from me is to tell her how Amazing her life is, why am I there? Does she need my approval to be uncomplicated and worshipful now when she didn't before? Perhaps she's attempting to demand my respect, my acknowledgement that this is an aspect of life where she has surpassed me, where she has expertise I do not. And that is so. I am not married. I will not ever be pregnant. But if I'm not allowed to talk about those things from my own knowledge of them, if I am only allowed to nod and smile, I really don't need to be there. Hang a magic mirror on your wall if all you want is uncomplicated encomia!

This is made worse by the fact that she shows almost no interest in my life. She asks no questions, and even when I open up about something, she ignores it or dismisses its importance because "it's not my cuppa." If she doesn't want to engage with anything I think or like or struggle with, and limits her discussion of herself to how perfect her life is, what's left to hang a meaningful friendship on? There're only so many ways and so many times I can play magic mirror before I'm going to quit for a better gig.

I think I've discovered the source of my vague antipathy toward Pedro Pascal. I mean, I love him in The Mandalorian, but he's mostly a voice in a tin can with a wide variety of expressive head tilts in that. When everyone else was falling in love with him in Game of Thrones or that second Kingsman movie, I just couldn't get on board. I didn't hate him, but I didn't want to watch him in anything either.

Cue my recent rewatch of The Mentalist. I rarely rewatch anything, but I'd started the show in the middle of its run, and I wanted to get a sense of the story arcs and relationships as they develop from the very beginning. It's been an engaging ride, as I'd hoped, but who should appear in the penultimate season? Pedro Pascal. As Agent Pike, Jane's rival for Lisbon's affection.

Even given my mixed feelings about Jane and his shenanigans during this rewatch, I still want to jealously guard his relationships with the CBI team and Lisbon, in particular. How dare this interloper attempt to wreck the Jane and Lisbon 'ship?! Step off, you skinny, looming saboteur! Every scene he's in feels like an eternity, and I suddenly understand why the sight of poor Pedro Pascal's face has been so off-putting for so long.

Sorry, Pedro Pascal. It's not you, it's Agent Pike. And now that I know, surely I can start to rehabilitate my impression of you. Which is important not only because you seem like a good person and don't deserve to inherit any disdain intended for a fictional character...but also because I've heard excellent things about The Last of Us and I'd hate to miss it.

I was expecting a leisurely final day of the Week of the Killer Quizzes, and instead, I've been running around, voting and going to library book sales and grocery shopping and watching a program with wild(ish) birds. Though to be fair, all of that probably would've felt less intense if I had gotten up before 11:30.

The fault for that lies entirely with BTS, whose Festa this year included a livestream of three of their concerts. I wasn't able to stay up for all three, but I was awake until 3:30am watching most of them. I regret nothing! ...But it does mean I'm a little late posting today's quizzes.

The theme for this last day is my sisters and me: specifically, things that connect to our childhood. Since I'm so late, Sev has kicked off for the day. He's here, but he has a cocktail in hand and insists he's too busy supervising as his son pretends to brew potions—got to correct the bad habits early!—to help. He has, however, offered to make me a cocktail as soon as I'm done here, so.... ::crisp crackle of parchment:: ( Enjoy the quizzes whilst I answer the siren song of bourbon and bitters! )

My mom is currently road-tripping across New Mexico, Airstream trailer in tow. It's her first big excursion, a sort of trial run for after she retires this coming winter, and so today's quizzes are in her honor.

Sev's son has insisted on folding the parchments into little frogs, so I'm going to see if he'll let them leap over here. Maybe if I make some enticing frog calls? ::ribbits unconvincingly:: Hmm. Maybe I should try being a little green tree frog instead? ::quacks, much more successfully:: Ah, here they come! ::muffled giggles in background:: I see you, kiddo! Are you laughing at my frog noises? You must know: this means war!

It seems I have a tickle offensive to put into action, but while I'm away, ( enjoy the quizzes! )

Whew! ::flutters parchment:: All right. So this whole quizzes-centered-around-family-and-friends notion is a lot harder than anticipated. Today I'm focusing on my brothers-in-law, Dragon and Lobo, and a decade ago, finding quizzes centered around their interests would've been effortless. Clearly, that glorious time has passed.

I managed to find a handful that work, but they are not quite what I was hoping for. Also, I need a drink. Sev, care to work some mixology magic over there? ::clunk and chime of phials and glasses:: Thank you! While I await a cocktail, I shall leave you with today's quizzes...( make of them what you will! )

Today's person of focus is Bantling, who now possesses distinct enough interests and preferences that I'm able to hunt down a few quizzes. And since Sev and his son have had a day to settle back in, they're here, ready to fork over parchments and show off some snazzy hand-drawn renditions of the results. (Sorry I can't share those. Sev's son is apparently very willing to offer me adorable illustrations of frogs and dinos and gardens provided I do not post them publicly. I can't even hang them in my cubicle at work. Alas.)

But since I've offered an inkling of the quizzes on offer today, let me present them with no further ado. Sev, may I have the results? ::crisp crackle of parchment accompanied by a mouth trumpet doo-doo-do-dooooo!:: ( Excellent fanfare, kiddo! )

Sev and his son are back, trailing post-vacation chaos behind them—there are ingredients to be properly stored, work to catch up on, and so many stories about roller coasters to tell! I'm leaving them to it, and since I've enjoyed choosing the last two days' quizzes based on a person (Elessar and then сестра), I figured I'd try centering today's quizzes on my new sister-in-law. I'm still getting to know her, but I think these play into her interests, ( even if just a little. )

It's so quiet around here with Sev and his son out of town for a long weekend—according to Sev, they're hunting ingredients, but his son insists roller coasters will be involved—but it does mean I get to blast BTS and dance around the house as much as I want. Since tonight is сестра's and my weekly watch-and-chat night, and we've been making our way through BTS videos for over a year now, listening and dancing is a great warm up.

In fact, all of today's quizzes are BTS-related, but I think they're pretty enjoyable even if you're not a BTS fan. One, in particular, is especially insightful—or seems to be, judging by how accurately it captured сестра, Hermione, and I when we all took it. ::pops earbuds in, sings along:: ( G'on run, run, run, enjoy a quiz or three, yeah.... )

Happy Week of the Killer Quizzes! And happy birthday, Elessar! In honor of his birthday, and his recent nuptials, today's quizzes reflect his interests ( and, I hope, some of his sense of humor. )